Is Church For People Like Me?

For most of my life I fervently believed that church was “not for me”. Like many secular people, my idea of church was straight out of a Victorian horror movie – creaky doors, dusty floors, and bats in the rafters; nervously whispered hymns and shouty warnings about eternal hellfire.

I was also entirely certain that churches were not the place for a thoroughly modern debauched heathen like me! I was indelibly marked. And anyway, churches were probably fitted out with alarms for delinquents who had the audacity to even think about attending a service, right? Wrong. Very wrong... 

Churches can be...cool?

Despite my misconceptions and fears, I found myself Googling “churches near me” (you’ll find out why later on). As soon as I saw the vibrant – dare I say cool – videos published by Life Church Seaford, the scales fell from my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. 

The Life Church Seaford website was packed with down-to-earth messaging, friendly get-togethers, and was managed by everyday people with everyday lives who looked a little bit like me. 

How was it possible that all this wholesome stuff had been happening just down the road from my home? I had spent every Sunday – for years – either nursing the night before or reenacting the night before in the nearby pubs, completely ignorant to the salvation on offer. Better late than never, I guess…

Brainwashed

I had searched high and low for salvation my entire life. But I never in a million years thought it could be found in Jesus. Because, despite being raised in a church-friendly village and attending a church-friendly school, my family were decidedly unfriendly to anything resembling religion – especially the “square” type. 

You see, my family were proud (read: hurt) outliers of society – new-age hippies whose chaotic lives were built on anarchic mantras. My little brain soaked up all their cynical rhetoric and I happily sniggered along with their scathing jokes about “people being sheep”. (Oh, the multi-levelled irony in that slur!).

My family hated “the system” so much because we had been victim to it, over many generations and in many ways – social services, mental hospitals, prisons, foster homes... And through our simple-mindedness we just lumped them all together with anything “organised”, which for us “obviously” included the church. (Or perhaps my parents were just a tweeny bit ashamed to face God...)

Losing myself in new age delusion

As I grew up and began seeking solutions for my own issues, the church was an automatic write-off. Instead, I followed the new-age trail set by my family, and from age 12 I was reading esoteric non-fiction for the fun of it. And when my sister tragically took her own life when I was 16, I ran headfirst down the rabbit hole, strapped to a rocket launcher. 

I attended spiritualist churches, Buddhist retreats, psychic readings and pagan ceremonies. I read ALL the books about self-help, spiritual powers and Eastern philosophy. I tried ALL the bodywork – from Chi Gong and ecstatic dance, to reiki and ‘Emotional Freedom’ tapping, to hot saunas and cold water. I “manifested” hard every day, and my “inner child” and I were suckers for the latest therapy fad. 

Eventually I found what I considered to be THE answer to all my problems – psychedelic drugs. I was wholly convinced I had found IT and was outraged that THIS wasn’t front page news of every newspaper across the land. I was an insufferable psychedelic evangelist. But after several years of exploring “hyperspace” (if I was lucky) or “the abyss” (if I was unlucky), I had to face the very inconvenient truth that psychedelics were not actually the answer after all. 

Despite paying a huge sum of money to attend pseudo-shamanic "plant medicine" retreats across Europe, I was no closer to the salvation I was seeking. The early days were full of promise, but my bushy-tailed hope calcified into desperate narcissism. I was still as broken as ever, no matter how earnestly I papered over the cracks with my “unearned wisdom” (credit to pioneering psychologist Carl Jung for that amazing term). 

Still undeterred, I took the “medicines” out of the rustic retreats and onto the dance floor, combining them with every party drug you can name (and many more you probably can’t). I became a self-appointed and self-anointed “rave shaman”. Surely if I just danced hard enough, the trauma would leave my body? Surely if I just felt enough unadulterated joy, I would permanently flush out my misery? 

Nope, that didn’t work either. 

Facing The Truth of Christianity

And so, I found myself answer-less. I had fallen down every rabbit hole, I had barked up every tree in the park. But I had nothing to show for it, besides a collection of crazy stories. 

But in the background, the light of the Lord had been slowly leaking into my life. Jordan Peterson showed me the significance of the Old Testament and The Chosen series showed me the humanity of the Gospels. Perhaps all those “church people” of my childhood were on to something. Maybe my family were wrong. 

And just when the time was right, the Holy Spirit descended upon me and changed me forever (but that’s a story for another time!). 

Soon after being mysteriously and miraculously saved, I found myself randomly in Winchester Cathedral and it dawned on me that this incredible pile of bricks was built in reverence for someone – someone who did unimaginably great things – who did them for us – who did them for me. 

And with this capital-T Truth, I finally hit the bedrock of the spiritual rabbit hole. I had finally discovered THE answer.  And it had been hiding in plain sight my entire life – how tragically hilarious! I came home that day wearing a crucifix necklace that I purchased from the cathedral shop. 

The humbling hospitality of church

So, it was official. I guess I was a Christian. And I guess Christians go to church. So, after my now iconic Google search, I timidly emailed Life Church Seaford asking if I could come in and see the building and have a little chat. Because cold-plunging into a Sunday service was utterly out of the question. 

To say that the reply was friendly is an understatement. Of course I was invited to pop in, and of course I was invited to speak, at length, in person, with the leadership team. And in the days and weeks after, the church practically rolled out the red carpet for me.

As someone who always felt like a pariah, an outsider, a leper, this hospitality was overwhelming. Someone like me did not belong in a place like this. I was the bullied little girl hiding in the toilets, I was the terrified young woman hiding in her bedsit. I was so familiar with feeling discarded and unwelcome. But Life Church Seaford re-wrote the script. 

I was so nervous on that first Sunday morning, but I frog-marched myself and my bag of insecurities right down the road and into the building, without giving myself the chance to bail on the mission. And thank the Lord that I did! 

As soon as I stepped into the building, I felt Jesus take all my baggage from me, just like the Bible says He would (Matthew 11:28-30). I was greeted with more smiles than I have ever seen in one room before. The air was light, the feeling was easy, the Holy Spirit was weirdly palpable. The music was modern and relatable and the sermon felt like a Ted talk. I practically cartwheeled my way home. 

Every week I would meet more and more beautiful people and feel more and more at home. And to my amazement, my story was being received, not with horror, judgement or salacious intrigue, but with compassion, tenderness, and love. Because Jesus was in me and I was in Jesus – born again into a brand new life. And from the looks on their faces, there’s nothing more exciting than someone being saved!

Belonging to Christ’s body

I’ve been going to Life Church Seaford for nearly six months now. And they have no idea how they have transformed me. I’m sure many of my church friends think I’m a born extrovert, but they have made me like that! 

Life Church family

Through their love and support, they have brought me out of my shell. A bit like a re-homed rescue dog, they have made me feel safe enough to express my true character. Moreover, they have deepened my faith, guided my discipleship, and buttressed me in times of spiritual attack. 

But there’s more! In my secular life I had learnt (the hard way) that uniqueness is not welcome, that we live in a zero-sum society where only the most shameless are celebrated, that hard work counts for nothing, and that God’s gifts are to be used only for status and popularity. 

But the apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians that the church is Christ’s body, and that the members of the church form different – but equally important – body parts (12:12-27). For the church to be successful in building The Kingdom, we need all types of people and all types of gifts. 

With this perspective, competition becomes irrelevant and power games are rendered futile. As someone who has tried and failed to become a professional musician, seeing this in action is nothing less than a life-changing revelation.  I’m not being ripped apart my jealous peers anymore, I’m being included and encouraged by spiritual brothers and sisters who share the same aim. 

Church is full of life

I’m writing this blog to encourage those who are seeking truth and healing but have absolutely no idea what goes on inside the walls of church every Sunday (because, let’s face it, churches can look pretty imposing and intimidating from the outside!). 

I may not be an expert on church-going (yet), but I can tell you what you can expect at Life Church Seaford. Firstly, it does what it says on the tin, because it is full of LIFE! Real life. Life that’s “life-ing” (as the kids say these days). You’ll see people of all ages and from all backgrounds, and you’ll hear all kinds of stories. And most importantly it is as far removed from a Victorian horror story as you can imagine!

You could reasonably ponder: if the human race did have a spiritual enemy, he would be excellent at PR and would do a fantastic job of making the secular masses think church is something that it is not. This enemy would want us to think that church is a relic from the past, relegated to the tourist trail. He would want to lock the doors, throw away the key and let the bats move in. He would want us to think that church is dead. But the joke’s on him because church is ALIVE! 

Left: my husband James was baptised on the same day! Right: Be prayed for afterwards.

What is Life Church Seaford anyway?

With my rudimentary understanding, I can tell you that Life Church Seaford is an evangelical charismatic church, which is both totally obedient to scripture and totally open to individual expressions of worship. (As a part-nerd-part-weirdo, that’s a win-win to me!).

But you’ll only know if it’s for you if you try it out. What have you got to lose? It costs nothing and you can run off to the beach/park/pub/shops at any time! But I have a hunch you may stick around...   

You may feel like an outsider, but we all did once upon a time (and some much more recently than others!). You may feel like a broken sinner right now, but church will welcome you as a beloved child of God. Because Jesus brings us together as part of Him – each of us equally unique and equally valued.

There’s room at the table for you, no matter your story.

“While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” 

Matthew 9:10-13