Holy Week reflection: Judas and I

The biblical accounts of Holy Week are so full of treasures for us and I've been looking forward to spending time in them. However, I wasn't expecting to get caught up in the story of Judas. He's surely the villain of the story, the dark shadow in the background, furtive exchanges, and betrayal... and nothing to do with me! The story of Judas is so troubling to us because he was one of Jesus closest friends. Jesus chose him to be one of those first twelve. He would have seen everything. He would have walked and talked with him, served him, and wondered at the incredible signs. It's also troubling to us because we can see ourselves in Judas. Only we, and God, know the actual depths of our own hearts. But Judas's depths became known for all of us to see and that feels exposing.

I used to wonder what tipped Judas over the edge that night to skuttle off to the Pharisees and begin the process of betraying the man he had devoted the previous three years of his life to but I think I might have got it. I read somewhere (possibly the Bible Project?), that Judas's name 'Iscariot' was either a play on words or a reference to his allegiance with a group of radicals who wanted to overthrow the government BUT believed that God would send a king to do it.

We don't know for sure whether Judas was one of those who spoke up in Matt 26:1-16 when he saw the woman anointing Jesus' feet with oil. They (he?) were disgusted with the perceived waste of money, but 'dressed it up' as concern for the poor. But we do know the nature of this man who accepted 30 pieces of silver in exchange for Jesus, this wasteful display as seen through his eyes may have contributed to his later actions. He also perhaps, as a member of the radicals may have observed this scene and finally understood that the radical, government overthrowing 'king' isn't coming in the way he was waiting for and so decided to take action of his own. Maybe he thought that by pressing Jesus into action, he might become the 'soldier' Judas was waiting for?

However, we also know that he was under the influence of Satan. We read in Luke 22 that this is the case. We also know that Satan absolutely hates women and he is also looking at this scene unfolding in front of him. We are propelled right back to the beginning of it all when God declares that the Saviour of the world will be born from a woman and that Saviour will crush the serpants head. That serpant, this Satan is looking on and seeing this woman acting with purpose. She is anointing the king of kings with precious oil, not only in prophetic preparation for his death and burial, but also in doing so is proclaiming him to be the Messiah, the very one Satan is terrified of. Now Satan knew exactly who Jesus was, he had spent time trying to tempt him in the eremos, the desert, but he does not know everything. He is not like God, he doesn't know the future and his rage against God, against women, in seeing this beautiful scene, tipped him over that edge, propelling Judas toward his unfortunate destiny.

Now Judas story, we know, ends badly. We don't know anything about the ultimate state of his heart apart from his remorse. Whether that turned to repentance, we dont know. Who knows whether, like the criminal on the cross next to Jesus, who believed in his final moments, he would also get to see Jesus in paradise. The reality is that Jesus came for every single one of us, including Judas, and I've no doubt that watching Judas that week, knowing what was unfolding in his heart would have added to the heartbreak Jesus experienced as he walked towards that long and dark night of Maundy Thursday. Knowing that it was that exact betrayal that he was dying for.

My reflections on Judas are painful. It's easy to demonise the man and set him aside as an anomaly in the story of Christ. After all, we might all be sinners but at least we didn't take 30 pieces of silver in exchange for our best friends life. But we did. There's no difference between any of us. Just as sinful, just as fallen but just as able to be saved. What an incredible saviour we have then, to have walked through that dark week, alongside one friend who betrayed him for money, through the adoring crowds who turned on him, with another friend who betrayed him through fear, through the pain, humiliation and lonliness of separation from God on the cross.... but to keep walking, loving us all and dying for us all regardless. Jesus's heart and intention were so set on this new covenant, on the reconciliation of God to humanity, that it was all worth it, including for Judas. This is what love is.